Will make it a point to blog again after a long absence (almost a year) partly because my new career is soaring up up and away and I have had very little time to sit down to think of day's worth, except that I know that this is the abundant life God has promised for me and i'm leading it each and everyday! Marvellous!

Meanwhile, here are two previous entries which I deleted...shall be back to write more soon!

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     This is the end of the first week of work at a new place.  Changing companies - i guess it explains why I didn't blog since.  Ás it turned out, that week of my first week of work at the previous place was pretty good, although i had a lot of work, but I didn't drown in it.  And I refused to drown myself in it which was why I had to leave.

I'm starting to think that pursuing this dream of becoming a lawyer has been a big mistake.  However, God has led me this far.  Including passing the bar exams even though it was so challenging to even bother to really study for it.  I'm exhausted.  Perhaps it's because of the 8 years of non-stop studying the same subjects with variations.  Perhaps it's because I'm not cut out to do the job.  Perhaps I've just lost interest.  I don't know how to feel.  I have to admit that I've had real lows the past few weeks,  but I pick myself up because I know that I have the favour of God, I have His presence.  Transferring firms in a very short period of time, the coincidence of meeting the right friends when I collected results and the doctor giving me just enough MC dates to sit down to do something about leaving my firm, the opportunity had to be from God.  And He wants me to be where I am now.  But why do I still feel like I'm wasting my time each day when I go to work?  Pursuing something which is vanity. 

On hindsight, I know that I'll know.  In the presence of the Lord, there is fullness of joy - and that should really be my focus!  it's just 58 working days more and certainly I can pull through.  I'm just curious why the sudden aversion to my career.  After all the studying and internships, I would have thought that I'd made up my mind to go through with it to the end.     Perhaps I'm blogging this in my desperation to seek for some answers. 

My brother calls this the quarter life crisis. 

This is a juncture of my life which I can actually independently decide which way to go, without having to conform to some academic regime, no longer like pebbles in a stream being swept slowly but surely to the main stream. Nothing mapped out for me for once.  I can finally choose now and I choose to quit.

Whatever the case, I know that in 3 months when I complete my pupillage, God will take care of me and my future and His paths are what I truly desire.  He will make His way known to me, I just know it. He's never let me down.

17 Feb 2006

Interestingly, I happened to be at this part of my bed time reading:

"People only see what we do, and they want to know why we are not doing better, or why we are doing it all.  Jesus knows why we behanve the way we do. He sees and remembers all the emotional wounds and bruises in our past.  He knows what we were created for.  He knows the temperament that was given to us in our mother's womb. He knows and understands our weaknesses. He knows about every fear, every insecurity, every doubt, all our wrong thinking about ourselves".

How suited it was to what I had just blogged about below, what comforting words I received from the Lord doing Spirit directed activities!  yesh! Only Jesus knows, I guess my job is to love her even for being a meanie! She smiled at me today in the girls' room

Sigh! from all the reading up on cases and doc draftings at work and at home, currently designing my name card (an attempt, hopefully successful as I have no idea how to really design one properly), eye fatigue!!  I had to wear my glasses to work thrice this week even though i wear daily disposable lenses!    For vanity and practicality sake, I prefer contacts.  I've been praying and believing for healing for my shortsightedness and I'm pretty sure it will happen some day soon! I just can't wait!

""Even in winter she does not fade
On comes the snow to cover where her blossoms have laid
And in the winter she does not weep
For her heart is strong and she will earn her keep
Her soul cries out but she will wait
She tells winter to take as long as it wilt' take
Her faith stays strong and her heart does not wither
She waits for the day for spring to come hither."